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03/16/2013
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Beijing, IMO

“FUWUYUAN”

source: hantrainerpro.com

source: hantrainerpro.com

It’s impossible to not learn the word “FuWuYuan”  (服务员, waiter/waitress) when you are in China. Yelling for “fuwuyuan” may not be common anywhere else but in China, it is almost like the only way to get their attention. When I first arrived in Beijing, I was still trying to deal with this culture shock as I am too shy (yes I can actually be shy! haha) to call out to them like others – so obviously I am always being ignored in a restaurant with my hand raising up while the next table finishes their meal (ok, that’s exaggerated of course). I feel so bad yelling at them but as time goes by, and after being ignored every single time like an abandoned child, I figured that’s the only way to get them to serve my table because they have grown accustomed to that.

With me camping in cafes to finish up my thesis, I started to feel for the poor fuwuyuan(s) who are always receiving the brunt of the customers’ wrath.  ”Fuwuyuan! Where is my table?”, ”Fuwuyuan! Where is my beer?”, ”Fuwuyuan! I want my food now!” and the demands go on and on. Sometimes the customers are just really unreasonable and I even feel like they are taking it out on the poor fuwuyuans after a bad day at work. I have no idea how they suck it up and live with such foul attitude. If you’re unhappy about the service at a place, just leave. There’s no need to scream your lungs off at the poor fella and spoil the atmosphere for other diners too.

Yes, there are times where fuwuyuan(s) have terrible serivce or deliberately taking their own sweet time. But so far I have made friends with most of the fuwuyuan(s) at the regular places I visit and I have no troubles with their service at all. In fact, we became friends as they are usually youngsters who are curious about foreigners. It’s not their fault that they are stuck with this job, everyone has their own interesting stories and I don’t think being fuwuyuan means that they are any “lower” than some of the “so called educated people” out there.

It puzzles me a lot to see how these chinese, or sometimes the expats, treat these fuwuyuan(s). Think about it, the worse you are to the people serving you, the more likely for you to end up with some extra unknown ingredients in your food.  So why take the risk?! Hur.

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02/26/2013
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IMO, Uncategorized

Tak Boleh Tahan!

saying goodbye

saying goodbye

“Tak Boleh Tahan!” is Malay that can be somewhat translated as “I can’t take it anymore!” (if i’m not wrong!) so why this title you ask? Because I can’t take it anymore, I feel so blessed with such awesome friends and I actually feel really sad leaving (again) this time!

So minus the fact of the escalating cost of living in Singapore, I realized this trip home made me miss being in Singapore more than the past few times when I was traveling around. Perhaps because I have been back for more than a month, I got really comfortable with the environment and weather (even if I wished for more sun). Or perhaps I have been away for too long? haha though 2 years away from home is nothing as compared to some of my international friends out there.

some of the fond memories from this vacation <3

some of the fond memories from this vacation <3

Since it was Chinese New Year period and the fact that I was so busy with my thesis preparation/PhD application, I didn’t get to meet up with many people but still I had fun with the few cliques that I managed to meet up. I am so so so sorry for those whom I didn’t have time to meet up with! But thank you for the others who managed to take time off for me, especially knowing how everyone is busy with work or tired after work but still came down for me Smile really appreciate it! The unplanned numerous hi-bye small chats were pleasant surprises too! It was awesome to know new friends too, especially the team behind re:solve, all the best for the rest of the production and looking forward to the upcoming movie!

Fear not! (haha I don’t think anyone is..lol) I will be back in June and be done with Beijing very soon! Please pray for me and wish me luck for my thesis and I promise to keep everyone posted! I will also try to do the vlogs that I have always wanted to do while in China to show how life is over the great firewall! But that’ll come probably in April, after I submit my MA thesis.

In the meantime, take care everyone and God bless! Thank you Singapore, it’s been a great time being home. (As much as I still do not want to settle down here yet..lol)

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02/13/2013
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IMO, Love, MYY

Myy Valentine?

Valentine’s Day has never been a particularly memorable day for me, probably thanks to the fact that it has always been “in the middle of an argument” or post breakup period for me when I was in/getting out of a relationship. Be whatever it is, it is just another Hallmark holiday in my opinion. Why shower your love and attention for your other half on just 14th Feb when you should be doing so every day?

Whether I had a valentine or not, I know that there will always be one man in my life who truly loves me unconditionally. That man didn’t have to wait for one special day to show me his love, he gives it to me all year round. Obviously that’s my father, better known by his online alias given by me “SpartanDad” (because he is so strict with me..haha)! So I think I am quite the “daddy’s girl” because I am the youngest of the two daughters at home (but my dad loves us sisters both the same) and I have always been very much “sheltered” all my life.

I recently read this article that talks about how daddies’ girls tend to look for partners who look like their father, something we have probably learnt from psychology. “We can now say that daughters who have very positive childhood relationships with their fathers choose men with similar central facial characteristics to their fathers.” Now that got me looking back at my past relationships and highly doubt that I choose mates that LOOK like SpartanDad (as much as I have quite a positive relationship with my dad, that’s actually quite freaky to be dating someone who looks like my dad…lol) but I think I do tend to choose people that resembles certain characteristics as SpartanDad. *cues dramatic “noooooooooooooo” in the background* LOL  Eek!

I was told the SpartanDad looks alil like Ai Wei Wei..hmmm

“So what kind of guys do you like, Ingrid?” That’s a question I get a lot these days when people figured I’m not in a relationship. (Not sure if they are trying to introduce men to me or judging me though..haha) If I were to follow what psychology class taught me, choosing someone like SpartanDad, I guess the following are the characteristics I’d look out for in a guy?

1) SpartanDad knows everything (or at least in my eyes) – he can be a chef one minute and a baker, a handyman, a goalkeeper, a professor, a musician, a singer or the strictest dad the next thing you know.

2) SpartanDad knows how to make people laugh – I guess in Chinese it’s call “情趣” (qing qu). I don’t really know how to describe it in English to be honest. Haha

3) SpartanDad is a gentleman – basic etiquette of a gentleman is to respect the ladies and little gestures of chivalry helps

4) SpartanDad is a manly man – if you scream along with me over creepy crawlies and rats, please just go away. lol

Of course there are many more awesome stuff I see in my dad that I’d like in my man but let’s not bore everyone with that..haha! But with that I’d say, “Thank You SpartanDad. (For setting a rather high standard for me..haha)”

So out of curiosity, do you think your other half or partner resembles or behaves like your dad/mom?  Suspense

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02/10/2013
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IMO, Love, MYY

The Onslaught on the Singles

I am quite lucky to have parents who are never pressurizing me to find someone in my life, in fact, they have always been telling me there’s no rush to get married and it’s better not to have kids unless I am able to financially support the entire family or really love kids that much (which fortunately over the years, I have discovered I don’t really want children, if possible) So I guess the only “external pressure” is watching my friends getting married one by one or being in a long term relationship that lasts more than 5 years, and of course nosy acquaintances who will question why am I not in a relationship or asking me to stop studying and settle down asap.

I won’t deny that being single during special occasions and stuff like parties and gatherings makes me feel extra lonely and your mind will start to wonder (a) “What is wrong with me that nobody wants to be with me?” (b) “Why didn’t the (previous) relationship last? was it my fault? Le sigh, gotta be it.” (c) “Maybe they are right, I should just settle down like everyone else. Perhaps just find a random dude who is decent I guess.” – Thank god these thoughts are temporary, else I’ll be in deep trouble right now! haha

“We gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets.”

- Ted Mosby, HIMYM S07E11

So to all the well-meaning aunties and uncles and ‘kaypoh’ (nosy in Singlish) friends who take advantage of this festive season to probe into others’ personal lives. There are people who are actually satisfied with how they are living their lives right now without someone in their lives. Sure, we are definitely not getting any younger but hell, says who it is a girl’s “dream/mission” to be settle down, find the love of her life (or not) and have kids before 30 years old? Says who studying too much is too much? (what is too much anyways? learning is never ending!) Says who it is a must during Chinese New Year to ask these awkward questions to annoy the unmarried youngsters like us? Jeez.  Struggle

20130210-024744.jpg

With Valentine’s Day coming, I guess most singles out there are having a hard time during the CNY visiting. (Thank God I don’t have to do any! haha) The next time someone asks me “the question”, I’ll reply exactly like in the picture above – “I want a guy like Ted who’ll love me like Marshall and make me laugh like Barney.” Don’t get the reference? Go watch all 8 seasons of How I Met Your Mother before you ask me the question again!   Talk to the Hand

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02/08/2013
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IMO, Love, TeeVee

Getting Over…

- Marshall, HIMYM S40E2

– Marshall, HIMYM S40E2

While I admit that I really suck at dealing with my own relationships (haha), many of my friends actually do turn to me for advice.  As the Chinese saying goes “当局者迷，旁观者清”, I guess it’s true that it is easier to give advice to others but can’t follow them yourself because you know your own self too well (to not to follow? lol).

So while I am probably one of the most negative person you can find. (I wasn’t known as “emogirl” for nothing! lol), I think I am becoming more clear minded in certain things.  I guess being on my own overseas gave me some me-time to think about life as a whole and the way I view things. Back then, I will probably be really sore (probably still am) over break ups or a bad friendship. Because I would feel like I put in 100% but the result isn’t what I expected (be it my fault or the other person’s or both) I guess most of the time we have high expectations for ourselves or others around us. When these expectations do not meet in reality, they become disappointment.

As much as I try not to believe in horoscope and whatnot, I tend to portray the Scorpio personality extremely well – emotional, stubborn, sensitive..just to name a few. It takes me ages to stop “feeling” and be more logical in many things I  have to deal with in life. I have learnt that to get over something negative, you have to go through the 5 steps of grief no matter what – denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Most of the time I get stuck at depression because I focus too much on “what ifs” of the past. Now I guess I came to an enlightenment that you have to accept that a loss will always cost you something, be it emotionally or mentally, or both. At some point, you will realize you need not fight the past and you start to see things more clearly. Acceptance is an evolutionary good because it doesn’t mean that you’re the weaker one – it means freedom. Stop going back to the past. Good things happen, but bad things happen to good people too. I must be as aware of the wrong choices that I make as I am of the right ones, and as accountable for the bad decisions I take as I am for the good ones.

The future is scary. But you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar. Yes it’s tempting, but it’s a mistake — Robin, HIMYM S6E24

– Robin, HIMYM S6E24

So hopefully this post helps some of my friends out there as well – those who are stuck at a crossroad, stuck in post-break up etc. Sometimes it takes the wrong(s) to show you what is right and in the meantime, you just have to continue trying to be the right person on your own. Female Fighter  Easier said than done, I know. But have faith, because I am still holding on to mine! Wink

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.” – Gloria Steinem

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02/06/2013
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Beijing, IMO

Reverse Culture Shock

"Train is coming, train is coming"

“Train is coming, train is coming”

So after being home for almost a month, I have been traveling around and exploring Singapore like I’ve never before when I actually residing here.

Like many would experience culture shocks when you arrive at a new place, we get reverse culture shocks because the place we used to call “home” is now so foreign to us.

So I was experiencing this on the subway, in Singapore’s term “SMRT” or train, and I found it really hard to adapt to. Minus the fact that our trains are somehow forever at their peak period no matter what time I board – it’s always packed! Most of the time it stinks because of the mixture of perspiration, humidity and lack of a/c. I think what I couldn’t accept more is the lack of manners or courtesy.

Sure, most people would think I’m being ridiculous if I would say the Chinese are more polite and courteous, thanks to the media stereotyping Chinese in that way. Perhaps not all the time but passengers in China will gladly give their seats up to elderly and children, which is something I’ve yet to see so far after being home for weeks.

At least when in Beijing, you can’t complain much about being pushed and squashed into the train like sardines because it is actually really packed! I would almost think that the Chinese have no idea what minimum personal space is! However, I have experienced so many times in Singapore that it was only the door areas that’s filled with people and the middle of the cart is practically empty! It annoys me so much to see that and having to wait for yet another train just because people do not understand the concept of moving in.

So this phenomena of how Singapore passengers are always crowding around the entrance confuses me so much – would you rather be trampled over by the exiting crowd or just have the courtesy to move in if you’re not getting off the next stop? I got pretty used to how the Chinese would go “有下吗 (you xia ma)?” to see if the people in front of them are alighting at the next stop, This way, people will know when to move in and not block the exit for alighting and also you don’t have to frantically squeeze and push your way out. But Singapore passengers do not exactly ask or excuse themselves to move closer to the exit before alighting, nor do they feel awkward to be standing in the middle of nowhere when everyone is trying to push their way out. All they do is stuff their earphones in, listen to their music and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

Oh wells, I guess everywhere has their own public transportation quirks or strange local habits that we will never understand!

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02/01/2013
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IMO, MYY

The Final Hurdle

So….I have finally submitted my PhD application just a couple of hours ago.

Many of you will probably go “Whurrrrttt ?! You are STILL studying?”/ “How old already still schooling?” / “Not tired of studying?”/ “Crazy, wait later you get permanent head damage (phd)!” or judge me as one who is just purely going through the “paper chasing” route.

phd

So the billion dollar question is “Why go for a PhD in the first place?”

There are many reasons that can be grouped into some general categories, the most disinterested reason among all will probably be “curiosity and thirst for new knowledge”.  Very cheesy but I do find myself enjoying reading things that interest me much more after those university days because you start to analyze things in a different manner. You no longer read for leisure but often find yourself challenging the author or questioning the words written. (sometimes even in a romance novel..lol) It gets tiring at times but also rewarding when you find another source to support your own stand. I guess this is somehow related to doing researching and writing thesis, coming up with evidence and supporting literature.

Of course, it is not always such a “noble knowledge search” excuse but often a practical reason. I graduated from my Bachelor’s not knowing what I should/can do in the job market – certainly I can just apply for some companies and find myself a decent first job like many of my schoolmates (who are doing rather well). But I was feeling rather lost like as though there’s no purpose in life and didn’t really want to settle for something “less”. So when the opportunity came for me to do a MA degree in Beijing with scholarship, obviously I took it up. Now I face the same crossroad – work or continue studying? I struggled quite a bit on that over the last few months because I know I am not getting any younger and there’s always a little tinge of envy when I see my friends settling down in life while I’m still trying to skim through my textbooks in the library. But I guess I am starting to discover the joy of this whole “lifelong learning” process and I honestly still have no idea which career path I’d like to be in, except for the fact that I’d like to do something that allows me to work on different projects or analyzing something, travel and meet new people ..which sounds exactly like a researcher does!

On the other hand, I don’t think doing a PhD will get me immediate financial rewards, in fact it might put me on even bigger debt (which I already am, with my university loan..lol). But I guess it is also my SpartanDad’s dream to see both his daughters finishing up their PhD which he’ll be more than happy to take my place if given the chance to. So there you go, another reason for me to do my PhD.

In any case, I am still in the midst of writing my MA thesis (I won’t deny that it is killing me at times) and it is just an application sent. If all goes well, I really do hope that I will have a chance to study in Europe. However, if all else fails, it is back to home sweet home aka Singapore and join the work force! (Since I probably can’t financially support myself to go through PhD now) We shall let fate take its own course. Wish me luck!

 

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01/30/2013
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Beijing, IMO

The China Conundrum

recap

So time flies when you’re having fun, I have been in Beijing for 1.5 years (minus the fact that I was also traveling every vacation).  Many people have asked how’s my life in Beijing and it’s often answered by a “I hate it, but I love it..I don’t know..it’s a love-hate relationship” – which I figured most foreigners who have been staying in China for more than 6 months can relate to. Perhaps I can summarize it into Top 3 Love/Hate(s):

Love

2013-01-12 23.08.38

1) People – Being a “foreigner”, you’ll find the Chinese people always ready to help and really friendly (sometimes over friendly to the extent that they will text and call you at the most random hours) I have met a great bunch of International schoolmates as well! It’s really fun to meet people from places you’d never imagine meeting ever in your life and getting to know their cultures too.

2012-12-15 15.52.39

2) Places – I think I can spend more years just exploring China and the list of places I have yet to visit is extensive. Coming from a city environment, the nature bits of China never fail to astound me and I really enjoy traveling via the train (surprise surprise) because I get to meet different people with interesting stories all the time. Traveling alone in China is actually rather safe, or at least I have done it without any problems so far. Yunnan, JiuZhaiGou and Qingdao are priorities on my to-go list for now. Perhaps Tibet too, if time and finances allow.

2012-12-30 12.12.57

3) Culture -Being Chinese, it’s always fascinating to go back to my roots and understand the Chinese culture on a deeper level. I realized there is still so much to learn and the historical side of China with its many ethnic groups makes it even more attractive.  Plus I am the kind of traveler who prefers to live the local way instead of checking out tourist attractions or dining at high-end restaurants.

Hate

1) Pollution - What can I say? Like the Beijinger’s memes suggested, it takes me two years to get my MA degree and probably a shorter time to get lung cancer. It’s so ironic for me to tell my friends that I’m going out for some fresh air when I needed a break from work.

2) Traffic - I still have no idea what are the actual traffic rules in Beijing, it seems that the traffic lights are just there for decoration most of the time. Cars zooming past while u’re crossing with the green man staring at you seems pretty normal. I’ve gotten used to being a pedestrian in China. However, it is the traffic jam that kills. It takes you probably double the traveling time to get to your destination because the traffic is always at its peak, no matter at what time of the day it is. It really annoys me more than anything else to be wasting my time on a public transportation.

2012-12-30 19.49.01

3) Habits – Pushing through the crowd, spitting on the floor, getting into a verbal fight, jumping the queue and smoking right underneath a “no smoking” sign seems to be the norm rather than against the rule/law in China. Of course, not everyone in China is like what I mentioned above but I have seen plenty. (Note: But I must say somehow these scenarios happen more in Singapore than in China itself and that the media portrays a very negative stereotype of mainland Chinese that they do not deserve, there are nice well-mannered Chinese too!)

It’s been a whirlwind one and a half year with work, life, travel and learning all struggling for my attention but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m rediscovering China every day I am there.

 

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10/18/2012
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IMO, Love, TeeVee

So, pre-nup?

Was another not-quite funny HIMYM episode, guess the writers had to put in the serious stuff and iron some details out before the good old humor comes back. Though I laughed alil over Lily’s “Snap, Crackle and Pop” (which are actually the cereal Rice Krispies’s mascots by the way!)

So we know from this episode that one of the couples were about to break up after the whole pre-nup incident between Barney and Quinn. I myself feel that pre-nup is yet another thing that humans came up with to complicate life/relationships. I liked how Arthur stopped the arguments between the couples with a relatively good line.

Arthur: “Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what’s really bothering you.”

Though in reality, we often see couples telling white lies or half-truths because most of the time, the excuse/reason is to not hurt the other person. Is knowing too much a bad thing? Perhaps. Is being totally honest a bad thing? Perhaps. Based on my own experiences, I certainly have trust issues in most of my relationships..I guess I’d say it is wiser to keep certain things to yourself than to blabber everything out or what exactly is bothering you because most of the time the other person does not see eye to eye with you and often ends up in a boo-boo or regrets. So how much is good enough? I have no idea too. However, I also feel that if you can’t be entirely honest with the person you are spending the rest of your life with – something is wrong somewhere huh?

So with that, I’ll end with Barney’s awesome quote…and the great closing song to the episode (the team is doing well on picking great songs..hur)

Barney: “I found out I’ll never trust someone enough to get married and that’s fine. My single life is and always will be legen…wait for it.dary!”

Damien Jurado – Museum of Flight

Falling to the ground
I was anxious to be found
You can always go home
To the safety of your cloud

Don’t let go
I need you to hang around
I am so broke
And foolishly in love

I turned around to love revealing
What did I learn, it’s not that easy
When you get burned and go on burning light

Falling into sound
Is a less defeating path
One day we will go home
To the safety of our clouds

Don’t let go
I need you to hang around
I’m so broke
And foolishly in love

I turned around, my life was changing
What did I learn, it’s not that easy
When you get burned and go on burning light

Don’t let go
I need you to hang around
I’m so broke
And foolishly in love

I turned around, my life was changing
What did I learn, it’s not that easy
When you get burned and go on burning light

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02/12/2012
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IMO, TeeVee

Let’s Talk.

In How I Met Your Mother E7E12 “Symphony of Illumination”, Robin discovered that she is unable to have children but she contemplated on telling anyone.

“I knew I could have talked to my friends, but it’s just… I already knew exactly how they would all react.”

I think many of us have felt this way before, feeling the need to tell someone about things going on in your life yet you pause and ask yourself “why bother?” – simply because you know exactly how others would react to it. With the help of technology, our lives are so public that there is no need for a simple sit-down conversation with friends anymore. People know about your relationship status, your life updates etc through social networking platforms, commenting on them directly or simply give you a “+like” as acknowledgement. I can almost imagine how many people would simply click on the “+like” button if there’s one on my blog now, just to agree that they felt this way before.

Anyway, back to the point whereby there’s no point talking to friends anymore…that’s just sad huh? I think it’s a pity that technology has helped us develop such a habit of being an open book instead of talking things out with close friends. Maybe we still do, but you’d realize they fill in the gaps once in awhile in your conversation or assume things based on what you’ve posted online etc. I think I have slowly reduced the information I am posting online and alil more reserved in the things I’m sharing about my personal life. Maybe to some, this defeats the purpose of having a public online presence but I miss the late night chats and long emails from friends. People should hear the story from me personally instead of just reading bits and pieces from a 140 characters update, which simply leads to more unwanted misunderstandings and assumptions.

This is probably why I like being in Beijing more – people are mostly disconnected (or at least not on the same social networking platform). We actually sit down to talk for hours and share our life stories instead of stalking each other on Facebook or twitter. Their responses are more unpredictable and constructive instead of a simple “+like” or another 140 characters respond. What do you think? Are you sharing too much online that when you meet up with your friends, there’s nothing much left to talk about (but simply going through what you guys have already posted online) ?

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