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2011 has always been a ‘special year’ in my mind namely because 1) I am born on 11.11 so 2011 makes it 11.11.11 = special! 2) It is the year I graduate from SMU! 3) It is also the year I became a post graduate in BNU! 4) Not forgetting I am going to be here in Beijing for 2 years on my own – my first taste of independence! Other than that, it was also a year full of ups and downs in my personal/love life.
Let’s put my thoughts into quotes from one of my fav TV show, How I Met Your Mother.
Ted Mosby once said that “Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things.” and I can’t agree more. Without goodbye, there will never been this ‘Hello’ we had 6 months back.
He also said that “You can’t talk yourself into falling in love.It doesn’t take days of deliberation…When it’s real, you know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.” This relationship is definitely what we can call ‘fast and furious (haha). It happened so quickly and we went through so much together that it felt like a fast forwarded love movie. It didn’t took long for us to decide, maybe not with absolute certainty that it will work but we knew it was real.
Barney’s dad, Jerry told Barney that “Don’t get me wrong, settling down is a challenge – it’s the biggest challenge of your life.” Settling down is a huge phase in our lives. Who can guarantee what is going to change in the future? The obstacles we might face (or facing), the fear of the unknowns, the insecurities, the doubts…it is tough, I won’t lie.
But I am quite certain that “I want to be a complete head over heels idiot for one.” like how Ted puts it. Be it over tears or laughter, angry nights or happy moments together. I want to go through all that with just one person. Perhaps I have found the one to be head over heels for – at least for the past half a year, I know it was worth it and it will be.
“I stopped believing. Not in some depressed, I’m-gonna-cry-during-my-toast way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It’s just every day, I think I believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less. And that sucks.” Like Ted, I am not the most positive or optimistic person around, but as long as I know you will be here..that’s something I can believe in and hold on to?
So don’t ever give up on us because I will remind myself to fall in love with you all over again every brand new day and keep this going for a long long time. 6 months was a short yet long journey, let’s make this fast forwarded love movie into a happily ever after =)
Thank You for everything my dear Mr Kevin Chang =) Love you.
A Change Of Heart
Couldn’t resist putting this picture of Marshall up – he looks so funny with the mustache! (credit tvfanatic)
In Season 6 Episode 18 of ‘How I Met Your Mother’, we see that Barney starts to have feelings for Nora and worries that there’s something wrong with his heart. It was probably not the best episode, or even possibly being one of the worst episode in HIMYM history, with the lame recurring jokes and weak plot. However, I adore the start of the show with Ted narrating that one never knows what’s going on with one’s heart and it was a heartfelt story about Barney falling in love with Nora – or as how he puts it ‘I want to be confused with you.’
People spend so much time being confused about love. There do not seem to be any rules of what to do when you meet that special someone or even if you have not met him/her. And when you do meet that special someone, you most often choose to deny the feelings as you’re afraid of changes or what is to come. That’s a hard truth because no one wants to admit that they have a ‘problem’ – people tend to ignore such matters and let the confusion continues. Let’s just say that both parties suffer in the end.
Love should not be confusing. Of course, it is bound to have problems that will arise in a relationship, be it just dating or in a marriage. But for it to work, you can’t be confused over 50% of the time as when a relationship becomes too confusing – it is time to take a step back and work things out together or leave it. Unfortunately, there are more cowards out there leaving their relationships instead of working things out together. Broken hearts can be found everywhere – just because one (or both parties) was/were confused at certain points of a relationship. A change of heart, with a whole new meaning?
Honestly, the overwhelming fear that comes with desire to be with someone special resonated deeply with me. However, the emotional undercurrents are worlds apart. -cues emo background song- (lol) On a lighter note, I thought the subplot with Robin’s new boyfriend ‘Scooby’ was quite amusing, reminded me of others used to tell me that I need a dog in my life and not a boyfriend too ! (I kinda agree with that now. Haha!)
Looking forward to see the finale despite this is the last season of ‘How I Met Your Mother’. Until then, I hope you all find that someone special to be confused with.
The Mermaid Theory ?
In the 11th episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Season 6, Barney Stinson mentioned about <The Mermaid Theory> whereby girls are seen as manatees until one day when you’ve spent long enough time with her, she’ll transform into a mermaid… and he further eleborated on his blog :
“No matter how hot or unhot a woman is, eventually you will want to sleep with her. The time it takes for this process to occur is the chick’s “Mermaid Clock.” It starts the first time you lay eyes on a chick and stops ticking the instant you want to get your jam on.”
So that’s the theory from the modern guys.
On the other hand, most girls usually follow <Ladder Theory> whereby guys are placed on this “bi-ladderal” system – either the Good Ladder or the Friends Ladder – if guys from the friends ladder try to jump over to the good ladder, and fails – usually they fall into the abyss between these 2 ladders. (which I guarantee most of those cases do fail.) The transition tends to be impossible once the label is permanent.
I had a chat with a male friend of mine who asked if there’s ever a chance for guys who fall under ‘friends zone’ to be seen as a potential mate, and how to avoid being classified into the ‘friends’ zone before any potential feelings develop. As a girl, I admit that I do have these categories in my mind as well…or rather, everyone usually falls into friends zone for me – which makes things really awkward when someone suggests any interest in me romantically.
Then again, I believe that it takes awhile for the ‘Friends’ label to be fixed and never be turned into ‘mermaid’ aka developing interest/wanting a relationship with that person- but that’s just me.
Time for discussion :
1) How do you avoid being classified to the Friends Ladder ?
2) Do you believe in The Mermaid Theory ? If no, why not ?
Where’s The Poop ?
-mild spoiler alert-
While How I Met Your Mother S6E03 “Unfinished” tried hard enough to coin the phrase “where’s the poop” and tried another bro-out episode – it wasn’t exactly ‘there’ on the comical level. Somehow it was emotionally relevant to me as Robin finally learnt to let go of Don. The other storyline of this episode revolves around Robin and her break up with her ex-boyfriend Don (from last season).
Robin’s ‘bad behavior’ of contacting her ex and unable to let go of the past , reminded Lily of her family dog’s behavior/expression after secretly pooping somewhere in the house. Ergo – “where’s the poop?” Funny enough, going through the same phase as Robin made me realized how much your friends *actually* know you so well – to know that it’s all nothing but a lie when you said that you’re done and moved on. On a side note, I think I have really wonderful friends who are always there for me – whenever I start to feel lonely or upset, they fill in those empty spaces in my life and make sure I’m ok. It has been a rough patch for me but getting back on track =)
From this episode, the takeaway I got is that no matter how ‘insignificant’ or how ‘unimportant’ the contact is, you are giving up a part your life/memories you’ll never get back again. Like how Robin puts it “And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened, it will have never not happened.” I don’t think it is easy to let go of something that meant the world to you once. Certainly,a little closure goes a long way. Like what Ping has told me once (and many other times) – closure begins with a capital ’C’ that will never be closed anyways. (sometimes i don’t understand her strange logic though it makes sense at times.lol) In Robin’s words “Closure doesn’t exist.” Feelings fade, but the soft spot for the person and the feelings will always be there.
On a lighter note, best part of the show ? Robin’s threats to Don, I laughed out loud thinking of the killing and eating his face – not forgetting the facebook slut. I, for one, would never have the guts to do such a thing but hey! Always fun to be able to relate emotionally to something on TV I guess.
Unfinished dreams, unfinished relationships, unfinished deals – some others move on faster, some takes their time, in other cases (ie. me) takes forever because they are too stubborn to let go of what’s not worth holding on to anymore. Whatever it is, I believe that someday – something will trigger the idea of letting go and moving on. That ‘something’ can be another round of heartaches or a proper happy end to things – whichever it is, I think it’s time. (Suddenly I can see my friends going ‘Where’s the poop, Ingrid!’ lol)
AOTW [44] : Rishi Menon ft. Jamie Dick and Alex Rosen
Tyrone Wells is one cool guy whose songs are featured on a lot of TV series before his EP ‘Metal and Wood’ debuted earlier this year. I’m sure alot of people has heard of his song ‘Sink or Swim’ in Grey’s. One thing I like about him is his manly voice and definitely the lyrics that I can relate to most of the time.
Here’s one of my favourite song from his EP, ‘Time of Our Lives’ which probably reflects what I’m feeling at this stage of my life. Enjoy the cover by these boys which I thought did a pretty great job ! Unfortunately I have no idea where they are from but looks like a school/church event to me. Nonetheless, beautiful voice and I love guitar !
[update : This song is featured on The Vampire Diaries S2E04 too!]
Time of Our Lives – Tyrone Wells
This is where the chapter ends
and new one out begins
time has come for letting go
the hardest part is when you know
All of these years when we were here are ending
but I’ll always remember
We have had the time of our lives
and now the page is turned
the stories we will write
we have had the time of our lives
and I will not forget the faces left behind
it’s hard to walk away from the best of days
but if it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend
in the time of our lives
Where the water needs the land
there is shifting in the sand
like the tight that ebbs and floods
memories will gone and go
All of these years when we were here are ending
but I’ll always remember
We have had the time of our lives
and now the page is turned
the stories we will write
we have had the time of our lives
and I will not forget the faces left behind
it’s hard to walk away from the best of days
but if it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend
in the time of our lives
We say goodbye, we hold on tight
to these memories that never die
We say goodbye, we hold on tight
to these memories that never die
We have had the time of our lives
and now the page is turned
the stories we will write
we have had the time of our lives
and I will not forget the faces left behind
it’s hard to walk away from the best of days
but if it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend
in the time of our lives
My subconscious tore me to pieces.
Ariadne: Why is it so important to dream?
Cobb: Because, in my dreams we are together.
Cobb: Dreams feel real while we’re in them. It’s only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.
Cobb: I miss you more than I can bear, but we had our time together. I have to let you go.
Mal: Do you know what it is to be a lover? Half of a whole?
Mal: You keep telling yourself what you know. But what do you believe? What do you feel?
Arthur: With the slightest disturbance, the dream’s going to collapse.
Cobb: Look at you. You’re just a shade, a shade of my real wife. How could I capture all your beauty, your complexity, your perfection, your imperfection, in a dream? Yes, you’re the best that I can do. But, I’m sorry, you’re just not good enough.
Cobb: She locked away a secret, deep inside herself, something she once knew to be true… but chose to forget.
Cobb: The moment’s passed. Whatever I do I can’t change this moment. I’m about to call out to them. They run away. If I’m ever going to see their faces I’ve gotta get back home. The real world.
Some lines from the movie really strikes a chord in me, just sharing with a slight re-arrangement to match how I actually feel or hear from the whole story. Guess I could relate to it in a different aspect and in general, life.
People dream of happiness, to know how it feels like to be in love, to be in control of something that makes them happy in life. Yet not many people know the true meaning behind a relationship and how little things can affect the feelings between 2 people. Sometimes people hold on, for different reasons – mainly because they knew what they had before and believe that things will change for the better. However, when this dream collapses, you wake up to reality that is harsh and you realize that you have been obsessed with your own dream and never realizing that the moment has long gone – nothing is going to change. You come back to the real world eventually because you choose to lock yourself away and try to forget, be it returning with regrets, hatred, remorse or simple happiness that you once remembered from these memories.
On a side note, Leonardo DiCaprio definitely has a home run with Inception. Ellen Page is as usual, just an eyecandy with the average sidekick acting skills, along with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. But best film I’ve watched so far this year. Christopher Nolan, impressive !
‘Rough Patch’ vs ‘Relationship Chicken’
Marshall: If they can’t stand each other, why don’t they end it?
Ted: Neither one wants to be first. They’re playing relationship chicken.
Disclaimer : I really love HIMYM and I am actually re-watching episodes from the 5 seasons when I have the time to, so bear with my random quotes/reviews of the episodes. 
I think in ‘How I Met Your Mother” season 5, Barney and Robin’s relationship was mainly to satirize everything couples go through – from the mushy stage to hating each other’s guts. The episode mentioned the term ”relationship chicken” which refers to the situation when neither person wants to admit the relationship isn’t working out. On the other hand, Lily pointed out that all couples go through the ‘rough patch’ – getting used to each other and understanding each other better.
So when do you know you’re being ‘relationship chicken(s)’ or just going through a ‘rough patch’ in a relationship ? If there are times when you feel unhappy about everything – but that not exactly bad enough to kill the relationship – are you just undergoing this so-called rough patch? Or are you playing the ‘relationship chicken’ by refusing to see the depth of the problems and brushing it off as it is probably just the usual lows that couples go through and that you should be working out over? When do you know you should hold on to that faith in the relationship ?
Sometimes you have 3rd parties who comment (be it knowing the details, or not) and you stop to ponder if they have a ‘clearer view’ over the situation than the deluded self you’re being. In chinese, there’s a saying that goes ‘當局者迷，旁觀者清’ which roughly means ‘the onlooker sees more of the game’. However, I think it is really up to the two parties involved to actually see for themselves for what they truly are. Like Barney and Robin, both of them were starting to lose themselves and you could tell that they were unhappy – even if they seem to be happy in each other’s companionship. They were better off as friends – and the breakup ? We know that it was not the end but just returning back to how it has always been for them – friends.
Would that be possible to happen in reality ? Does it really means happiness when Barney returned to say ‘Daddy’s home.’ ? (Of course in later episodes, we see that Barney isn’t entirely truly happy after returning to his old single self.) It’s really kind of hard to tell isn’t it ?
Love Yourself.
Future Ted : Kids, there are two basic philosophies of how to handle yourself after a breakup. Some people throw themselves into..
Robin : My career. That’s my number one focus right now. From now on, no more dating, it’s all about work.
Future Ted : .. while others throw themselves into..
Barney : Every woman in New York City ! That’s right, Barney Stinson is back on the market ! Mothers, lock up your daughters.. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCAs !
- How I Met Your Mother “The Playbook” (S5E08) *awesome episode by the way*
Very much like Robin, I have been throwing myself into my summer part time job and planning for the upcoming term. Number one focus is to get my life back together, find and love myself again before I learn to love another. Cliche as it sounds but I think it’s the better than the latter option because 98% of the time, you end up hurting someone new because it ends up like a rebound or you don’t learn from your previous relationship mistakes but rush into someone new and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
“Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.” – Russ Von Hoelscher
Some people think that it is a good way to move on when you find someone new, in fact, I had friends offering to ‘matchmake’ or introduce guys to me (which I’ve all kindly refused). During one of the conversations, my friend asked “So what kind of guy do you like ? Can’t really tell your ‘pattern’ apart from the fact that you always end up with ‘hot tempered/emo people’… ” (in which I laughed out loud because come to think about it, it’s quite true..hur) So she suggested that I should write a letter/blog post to remind/prevent myself from making the same ‘mistakes’ – like how Ted would write to Future Ted after each breakup…just that this will be a summary of all the past relationships (haha)
So Dear Future Ingrid,
Remember this : “When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. “- Deepak Chopra
If you start to feel that your partner is having expectations of you, that’s because you feel that you’re not good enough. Instead of complaining or finding faults in the other person, remember a relationship is not just something to ‘take’ from but to ‘give’ as well. If you feel that you can’t meet the ‘expectations’, don’t be afraid to voice it out and find other ways to fill that ‘gap’. Trust is the main key to effective communication and foundation to hold any relationships. It can’t be found in words but through actions. People will find out the truth no matter how hard you try to hide it so don’t bother telling lies or covering up. To love is to risk not to be loved in return. When you love someone, it may not mean that you have to be with that somebody. Find someone who shares the same mindset/beliefs/values. Love doesn’t count on the laughter that you shared but on the pain and tears you tried to get over with just for the sake of holding on. To understand is to listen, not what your partner says but what he/she does not say.
Actually, enough of all these nonsense. Just be yourself and love yourself. Like what Ted Mosby said :
“Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger,or throw it in someone’s face.there is a third option you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone,and you can move forward.
And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn’t mine.Mine was still out there waiting for me.”
God has his plans for you. =)
So…Thank You(s) for the calls, the SMSes, the DMs, the tweets/plurks, the msn conversations, the talks, the meetups with attempts to make me feel better lately. I am truly blessed with wonderful friends around me and I really appreciate all the effort ! Sorry to cause all the worries but like the following quote :
“But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you’ll get through this too.” – Scrubs
Just give me the space and time too eh ? Thank You once again =)
Moving On – Easier Said Than Done ?
Life can still change with the blink of an eye, so does relationships with others. Sometimes when a relationship has been damaged, we learn to deal with them and move on. “Time will heal” they say, but how ? After a term of reading about relationships (one of my module in school talks about such things) and personal experiences, here’s 5 tips that I gathered :
1. It takes time to repair a damaged relationship. You will experience resistance initially but you have to commit yourself to doing what it takes to get the relationship back on track.
2. Share your feelings, listen to each other’s concerns. Sometimes what we end up saying might just be plain outrageous and hurtful – sometimes we don’t even recall saying/doing whatever that was shared. It is hard not to get defensive but resist the urge to act on these feelings and be patient with each other.
3. Apologize and seek for forgiveness, even if you don’t feel like it’s your fault. It removes the barriers between each other and it is important to spend time together and talk about various issues that might affect your future relationship with the person.
4. Don’t let pride get in your way. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in a relationship, if you start to justify your actions (which is most likely to happen) – stop and listen.
5. Make a sincere effort to get back on your feet, on your own. If you’re strong enough to face yourself, you can face anything in life =)
Relationships with people are a funny complicated matter, in which I think we all go alil mad sometimes. It’s definitely easier said than done to repair a relationship and there are tons of books out there which act as ’guidebooks’ in a way or another. Who should we listen to ? What’s the right step ?
I guess I chose to observe and learn from my own past experiences – follow your heart.
Have a ROARing Valentine !
Happy (overrated) Valentine’s Day ! Oops, I forgot the year of Tiger (my year!) kinda took away the fun for all the hallmark greeting cards and big bouquets of roses most girls are expecting. Come on, Vday shouldn’t be just for this ONE day when you’re in love.
This day is just totally over-hyped ! What’s the point of being sweet for just one day and being ‘normal’ again for the rest of the year ? It should be spontaneous and just surprise your loved ones every other time you feel like it !
If you want to give me a Valentine’s Day present, give me a gift of love that will last my lifetime !
Not forgetting, Happy Chinese New Year ! I hope couples out there made the ‘right’ decision to spend the special day with family as well. ‘Luckily’ for the boyfriend, my family decides to escape from Singapore for CNY (since we don’t have relatives here) for a short Batam getaway (my first time too! Will blog about it when I’m back!) so he doesn’t have to face that dilemma. Hur.
Have yourselves a happy holiday nonetheless =)
