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‘Rough Patch’ vs ‘Relationship Chicken’

Marshall: If they can’t stand each other, why don’t they end it?
Ted: Neither one wants to be first. They’re playing relationship chicken.

Disclaimer : I really love HIMYM and I am actually re-watching episodes from  the 5 seasons when I have the time to, so bear with my random quotes/reviews of the episodes.

I think in ‘How I Met Your Mother” season 5, Barney and Robin’s relationship was mainly to  satirize everything couples  go through – from the mushy stage to hating each other’s guts.  The episode mentioned the term  ”relationship chicken”  which refers to the situation when neither person wants to admit the relationship isn’t working out.  On the other hand, Lily pointed out that all couples go through the ‘rough patch’ – getting used to each other and understanding each other better.

So when do you know you’re being ‘relationship chicken(s)’ or just going through a ‘rough patch’ in a relationship ? If there are times when you feel unhappy about everything – but that not exactly bad enough to kill the relationship – are you just undergoing this so-called rough patch?  Or are you playing the ‘relationship chicken’ by refusing to see the depth of the problems and brushing it off as it is probably just the usual lows that couples go through and that you should be working out over? When do you know you should hold on to that faith in the relationship ?

Sometimes you have 3rd parties who comment (be it knowing the details, or not) and you stop to ponder if they have a ‘clearer view’ over the situation than the deluded self you’re being. In chinese, there’s a saying that goes ‘當局者迷，旁觀者清’ which roughly means ‘the onlooker sees more of the game’. However, I think it is really up to the two parties involved to actually see for themselves for what they truly are. Like Barney and Robin, both of them were starting to lose themselves and you could tell that they were unhappy – even if they seem to be happy in each other’s companionship. They were better off as friends – and the breakup ? We know that it was not the end but just returning back to how it has always been for them – friends.

Would that be possible to happen in reality ? Does it really means happiness when Barney returned to say ‘Daddy’s home.’ ? (Of course in later episodes, we see that Barney isn’t entirely truly happy after returning to his old single self.)  It’s really kind of hard to tell isn’t it ?

Tags: Barney, daddy's home, HIMYM, How I Met Your Mother, lily, marshall, relationship, relationship chicken, Robin, ted, the rough patch, 當局者迷，旁觀者清

Love Yourself.

Future Ted : Kids, there are two basic philosophies of how to handle yourself after a breakup. Some people throw themselves into..

Robin : My career. That’s my number one focus right now. From now on, no more dating, it’s all about work.

Future Ted : .. while others throw themselves into..

Barney : Every woman in New York City ! That’s right, Barney Stinson is back on the market ! Mothers, lock up your daughters.. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCAs !

- How I Met Your Mother “The Playbook” (S5E08) *awesome episode by the way*

Very much like Robin, I have been throwing myself into my summer part time job and planning for the upcoming term. Number one focus is to get my life back together, find and love myself again before I learn to love another. Cliche as it sounds but I think it’s the better than the latter option because 98% of the time, you end up hurting someone new because it ends up like a rebound or you don’t learn from your previous relationship mistakes but rush into someone new and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.

“Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.” – Russ Von Hoelscher

Some people think that it is a good way to move on when you find someone new, in fact, I had friends offering to ‘matchmake’ or introduce guys to me (which I’ve all kindly refused).  During one of the conversations, my friend asked “So what kind of guy do you like ? Can’t really tell your ‘pattern’ apart from the fact that you always end up with ‘hot tempered/emo people’… ” (in which I laughed out loud because come to think about it, it’s quite true..hur) So she suggested that I should write a letter/blog post to remind/prevent myself from making the same ‘mistakes’ – like how Ted would write to Future Ted after each breakup…just that this will be a summary of all the past relationships (haha)

So Dear Future Ingrid,

Remember this : “When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. “- Deepak Chopra

If you start to feel that your partner is having expectations of you, that’s because you feel that you’re not good enough. Instead of complaining or finding faults in the other person, remember a relationship is not just something to ‘take’ from but to ‘give’ as well. If you feel that you can’t meet the ‘expectations’, don’t be afraid to voice it out and find other ways to fill that ‘gap’.  Trust is the main key to effective communication and foundation to hold any relationships.  It can’t be found in words but through actions. People will find out the truth no matter how hard you try to hide it so don’t bother telling lies or covering up. To love is to risk not to be loved in return. When you love someone, it may not mean that you have to be with that somebody. Find someone who shares the same mindset/beliefs/values. Love doesn’t count on the laughter that you shared but on the pain and tears you tried to get over with just for the sake of holding on. To understand is to listen, not what your partner says but what he/she does not say.

Actually, enough of all these nonsense. Just be yourself and love yourself. Like what Ted Mosby said :

“Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger,or throw it in someone’s face.there is a third option you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone,and you can move forward.
And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn’t mine.

Mine was still out there waiting for me.”

God has his plans for you. =)

So…Thank You(s) for the calls, the SMSes, the DMs, the tweets/plurks, the msn conversations, the talks, the meetups with attempts to make me feel better lately. I am truly blessed with wonderful friends around me and I really appreciate all the effort ! Sorry to cause all the worries but like the following quote :

“But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you’ll get through this too.” – Scrubs

Just give me the space and time too eh ? Thank You once again =)

Tags: Barney, breakup, effective communication, expectations, future ted, How I Met Your Mother, listen, Love, love yourself, perfect ending, perfect love story, quotes, relationship, Robin, russ von hoelscher, scrubs, ted mosby, the playbook, trust

More reasons for stay home weekends..

Simply can’t wait to glue myself to the screen !

Glee is like mature version of High School Musical meets the geek world – typical normal boring kids finding their talents and discovering themselves in this journey together through the Glee club in high school, letting their voices be heard. Can’t exactly identify myself with the show but the songs are pretty catchy and I’ve always like the broadway/musical kind of show. Looking forward to the performances and I have to say the casts have pretty good voices !

How I Met Your Mother last season ! Will be interesting to see Barney and Robin get together actually ! They were nominated for Emmy Outstanding Comedy Series too !

Looking forward to catch Community as well !  By the directors of  “Arrested Development”, it should be quite good as well ? Yet another college-based show.

Of course there’s alwasy CSI as well !

Gee, I guess now you know the reason if I turn down any events or gatherings ! (Haha.Just Kidding!)

Tags: Arrested development, Barney, college, community, CSI, Emmy, fall, Glee, high school musical, HIMYM, How I Met Your Mother, NY, outstanding comedy series, Robin, season, tv