Love Yourself.
Future Ted : Kids, there are two basic philosophies of how to handle yourself after a breakup. Some people throw themselves into..
Robin : My career. That’s my number one focus right now. From now on, no more dating, it’s all about work.
Future Ted : .. while others throw themselves into..
Barney : Every woman in New York City ! That’s right, Barney Stinson is back on the market ! Mothers, lock up your daughters.. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCAs !
- How I Met Your Mother “The Playbook” (S5E08) *awesome episode by the way*
Very much like Robin, I have been throwing myself into my summer part time job and planning for the upcoming term. Number one focus is to get my life back together, find and love myself again before I learn to love another. Cliche as it sounds but I think it’s the better than the latter option because 98% of the time, you end up hurting someone new because it ends up like a rebound or you don’t learn from your previous relationship mistakes but rush into someone new and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
“Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.” – Russ Von Hoelscher
Some people think that it is a good way to move on when you find someone new, in fact, I had friends offering to ‘matchmake’ or introduce guys to me (which I’ve all kindly refused). During one of the conversations, my friend asked “So what kind of guy do you like ? Can’t really tell your ‘pattern’ apart from the fact that you always end up with ‘hot tempered/emo people’… ” (in which I laughed out loud because come to think about it, it’s quite true..hur) So she suggested that I should write a letter/blog post to remind/prevent myself from making the same ‘mistakes’ – like how Ted would write to Future Ted after each breakup…just that this will be a summary of all the past relationships (haha)
So Dear Future Ingrid,
Remember this : “When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. “- Deepak Chopra
If you start to feel that your partner is having expectations of you, that’s because you feel that you’re not good enough. Instead of complaining or finding faults in the other person, remember a relationship is not just something to ‘take’ from but to ‘give’ as well. If you feel that you can’t meet the ‘expectations’, don’t be afraid to voice it out and find other ways to fill that ‘gap’. Trust is the main key to effective communication and foundation to hold any relationships. It can’t be found in words but through actions. People will find out the truth no matter how hard you try to hide it so don’t bother telling lies or covering up. To love is to risk not to be loved in return. When you love someone, it may not mean that you have to be with that somebody. Find someone who shares the same mindset/beliefs/values. Love doesn’t count on the laughter that you shared but on the pain and tears you tried to get over with just for the sake of holding on. To understand is to listen, not what your partner says but what he/she does not say.
Actually, enough of all these nonsense. Just be yourself and love yourself. Like what Ted Mosby said :
“Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger,or throw it in someone’s face.there is a third option you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone,and you can move forward.
And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn’t mine.Mine was still out there waiting for me.”
God has his plans for you. =)
So…Thank You(s) for the calls, the SMSes, the DMs, the tweets/plurks, the msn conversations, the talks, the meetups with attempts to make me feel better lately. I am truly blessed with wonderful friends around me and I really appreciate all the effort ! Sorry to cause all the worries but like the following quote :
“But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you’ll get through this too.” – Scrubs
Just give me the space and time too eh ? Thank You once again =)
Idealism and Illusion
There’s always the ideal relationship which is based on our own expectations, experiences and perceptions. The relationship that we’re currently in has its own set of conditions which then provides a context for these expectations and makes each relationship unique. These relationships have always been “ideal” until they bump into the reality of it that we get into troubles. Troubles in a subtle sense of insecurity or uncertainty or inexplicably feeling awkward at random occasions. And when you let the ideal of your relationship overshadow the reality – you are lost in your own illusion.
Sometimes you are afraid of losing – losing the familiarity, losing the “love of your life”, losing to yourself for believing in something you thought was “right”. As devastating as it seems, you may have failed to notice something that’s amiss in your relationship and running away from reality instead of confronting it. Romantic illusions are deceptive/seductive but molding yourself or your partner to someone they are not in order to create an ideal relationship is not the foundation of what a true lasting committed relationship is based upon.
Most of the time, you just have to work out the differences together and compromise while accepting he/she for someone you fell in love with in the first place. If allowances are given to adjust, most of the time I think couples do become stronger under duress and the relationship would most usually endure. However, if problems are failed to be addressed, it’ll just lead to even bigger issues in the future and it gets even more destructive. Regardless how perfect a relationship may first appear to be, it’s usually just a flawed illusion that can be easily destroyed. Those “Happily Ever After” are woven illusions with defects that are never mentioned, sometimes such idealism may just sabotage your life.
Optimists should continue to hope otherwise. Hur.
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What do I love about my relationship is - as much as it appeared to be perfect from the start, we do have our hiccups along the way and I dare say it was not exactly smooth transitions during the past 8 months either since we are almost opposite individuals with rather different thinking/value systems. One thing I’ve learnt is that a relationship is not just 2 people being in love but helping each other to grow and discover the good in themselves while not ignoring and letting the worse gets by. You don’t mold yourself to become someone you’re not but to someone better in general – there is a difference.
Just want to say “Thank You” to the boyfriend for sticking together through the good and bad, happy and sad times.
