Parenting is a Verb, not a Noun
Ever since the end of my internship, I have become a part time nanny at home taking care of my 2 years old niece Giselle. Being a parent (in my case, an aunt aka yiyi) is never an easy job, I now fully understand the “joy” my parents had while dealing with my sister and I.
There are just times when I feel like strangling Giselle literally or throwing her down the window (trust me, it’s THAT maddening) – it is easy to let go and let her be but the consequences are huge and it’s not like Giselle is mature enough to tell what’s right from wrong or what’s danger etc. I have to admit that I am a very protective yiyi in a way, mainly because I was rather sheltered by my dad to begin with. Even though I disapprove of how my dad (still) controls me at this age, I think Giselle has not reached the age where I think it is alright to let her do what she wants or build up the individualism/independence in her.
Take for example – my sister and husband has to work and because my mom was sick recently, we can’t afford to take care of Giselle at home anymore. So Giselle has to be enrolled into a pre-school which she has been attending for the past weeks. I understand that separation anxiety is a common phase for all toddlers but it was hard for me to accept the process I/she has to go through every morning. (Note: My dad and I pick her up every morning at 8am to send her off to school)
I think it has to be a fair balance between providing the opportunity to venture off on one’s own and letting the child to feel safe enough to do it. The way to ease the child’s anxiety is not to just leave him/her behind, crying and turning your back on him/her. If you deny the sense of security as a foundation, the child (already filled with anxiety), will flounder. Leaving the toddler alone in the room with a group of strangers thinking he/she will get used to it and it’ll allow her to grow up and be more independent – it does not work that way. I’m not saying that you should carry on “babying” the toddler and sticking by his/her side forever, but just long enough to let him/her understand that it is ok to play with their peers and it is a safe environment to be at.
What I believe is that you come and go on a happy note, no matter how Giselle might cling onto me with her tear-filled eyes etc, I do not just leave her with the teacher thinking that she’ll deal with it. I think it works better with either a transitional object like a storybook or a toy to distract her focus or at least let it be a happy goodbye and ensuring her it is just for awhile and that you’ll be back for her. Don’t just dump her there and walk away from her cries without a word. Though one thing about such promises is that – you have to make sure you will be back, on time. Kids do know and remember it when you betrayed their trust. I’m sharing my opinions because it affects me alil to see my niece crying every morning when pre-school was enjoyable for me and how other kids at the school are also experiencing the same thing. (Maybe it says something about the school, hur) Basically, going to school at their age should be a fun experience instead of something that they dread waking up to.
As much as I would love to whine and say how much I dislike Giselle for being in my life or how she has “ruin” my life in a way, I think I’m still thankful to have a niece like her because not many of us get to experience a special bond like ours. I just hope that she’ll grow up as a good girl (like her yiyi, haha) , respect and take care of her parents in the future.
Ultimately, it’s a matter of perspective and tackling your attitude when it comes to these matters in life. Parenting is not as easy as just words of advice or going through parenting blogs, it takes more than that to be a good parent. So think twice before you decide to bring another innocent life to this harsh reality. (lol)
Disclaimer : I’m not saying that my sister does not make a good parent because I know that she is trying her best but sometimes you just can’t have things as you wish it’ll be. So before you question about “where on earth is Giselle’s parents” or “What the hell have they been doing”, I think my sister deserves the credits as a good mother in my opinion (although she can work harder, haha)
Saying “I Do” : Beauty of Marriage
I have always thought marriage is just a piece of paper and “just a proper excuse to have sex” since growing up. Never really thought of it as something sweet or long lasting because of many divorces and unhappy marriages I’ve witnessed over the years. Each time my parents/sister and her husband have an argument, I find myself even more determined *NOT* to get married in the future.
My mindset started to change when my mom had her first operation, I finally understood the beauty of marriage and having someone who truly loves you,”to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.” My father never once complained about how tiring or troublesome things were (even if he did threw his temper at my sis and I occasionally..haha), nor did he leave my mother to suffer alone. He took care of her with such tender loving care, waited patiently for her in the hospital while she had her operation,sat by her quietly as she sleeps,learning something new and cleanse the wound for her everyday, sent her to the doctor for daily checkup and more. Honestly, at that point of time, I really thought if loving someone meant doing all those things without a single grumble, I don’t think I can love someone at all. Daddy Mak is indeed my hero, deep down in my heart.
“Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.” -G. K. Chesterton
Sure enough, my parents are no saint either. They do bicker every now and then but I’ve come to realized that all couples do that and it’s perfectly fine if things are worked out between the two afterwards. The beauty of marriage to me is how two people complement each other with their own gifts and insights instead of trying to be like one another or competing for the same role. While relationship requires devotion, honesty and loyalty, I think marriage is to unite two people at the essential body and heart level (ie communication and intimacy) which is important to maintain a long lasting relationship. Right ?
Till now, I really can’t imagine myself getting married and having a family of my own someday. Even though girls at my age are either planning for their weddings or thinking of having a dozen kids……but oh my, what a scary thought. =\ I want to make sure I really can commit to a marriage before saying “I Do”, that’s for sure.
Guess the boyfriend will have to work harder eh ? =P hur…unless he doesn’t want to marry me *boohoo*…LOL!
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” -Zsa Zsa Gabor
