Love Yourself.
Future Ted : Kids, there are two basic philosophies of how to handle yourself after a breakup. Some people throw themselves into..
Robin : My career. That’s my number one focus right now. From now on, no more dating, it’s all about work.
Future Ted : .. while others throw themselves into..
Barney : Every woman in New York City ! That’s right, Barney Stinson is back on the market ! Mothers, lock up your daughters.. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCAs !
- How I Met Your Mother “The Playbook” (S5E08) *awesome episode by the way*
Very much like Robin, I have been throwing myself into my summer part time job and planning for the upcoming term. Number one focus is to get my life back together, find and love myself again before I learn to love another. Cliche as it sounds but I think it’s the better than the latter option because 98% of the time, you end up hurting someone new because it ends up like a rebound or you don’t learn from your previous relationship mistakes but rush into someone new and continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.
“Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.” – Russ Von Hoelscher
Some people think that it is a good way to move on when you find someone new, in fact, I had friends offering to ‘matchmake’ or introduce guys to me (which I’ve all kindly refused). During one of the conversations, my friend asked “So what kind of guy do you like ? Can’t really tell your ‘pattern’ apart from the fact that you always end up with ‘hot tempered/emo people’… ” (in which I laughed out loud because come to think about it, it’s quite true..hur) So she suggested that I should write a letter/blog post to remind/prevent myself from making the same ‘mistakes’ – like how Ted would write to Future Ted after each breakup…just that this will be a summary of all the past relationships (haha)
So Dear Future Ingrid,
Remember this : “When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. “- Deepak Chopra
If you start to feel that your partner is having expectations of you, that’s because you feel that you’re not good enough. Instead of complaining or finding faults in the other person, remember a relationship is not just something to ‘take’ from but to ‘give’ as well. If you feel that you can’t meet the ‘expectations’, don’t be afraid to voice it out and find other ways to fill that ‘gap’. Trust is the main key to effective communication and foundation to hold any relationships. It can’t be found in words but through actions. People will find out the truth no matter how hard you try to hide it so don’t bother telling lies or covering up. To love is to risk not to be loved in return. When you love someone, it may not mean that you have to be with that somebody. Find someone who shares the same mindset/beliefs/values. Love doesn’t count on the laughter that you shared but on the pain and tears you tried to get over with just for the sake of holding on. To understand is to listen, not what your partner says but what he/she does not say.
Actually, enough of all these nonsense. Just be yourself and love yourself. Like what Ted Mosby said :
“Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger,or throw it in someone’s face.there is a third option you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone,and you can move forward.
And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn’t mine.Mine was still out there waiting for me.”
God has his plans for you. =)
So…Thank You(s) for the calls, the SMSes, the DMs, the tweets/plurks, the msn conversations, the talks, the meetups with attempts to make me feel better lately. I am truly blessed with wonderful friends around me and I really appreciate all the effort ! Sorry to cause all the worries but like the following quote :
“But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you’ll get through this too.” – Scrubs
Just give me the space and time too eh ? Thank You once again =)
Parenting is a Verb, not a Noun
Ever since the end of my internship, I have become a part time nanny at home taking care of my 2 years old niece Giselle. Being a parent (in my case, an aunt aka yiyi) is never an easy job, I now fully understand the “joy” my parents had while dealing with my sister and I.
There are just times when I feel like strangling Giselle literally or throwing her down the window (trust me, it’s THAT maddening) – it is easy to let go and let her be but the consequences are huge and it’s not like Giselle is mature enough to tell what’s right from wrong or what’s danger etc. I have to admit that I am a very protective yiyi in a way, mainly because I was rather sheltered by my dad to begin with. Even though I disapprove of how my dad (still) controls me at this age, I think Giselle has not reached the age where I think it is alright to let her do what she wants or build up the individualism/independence in her.
Take for example – my sister and husband has to work and because my mom was sick recently, we can’t afford to take care of Giselle at home anymore. So Giselle has to be enrolled into a pre-school which she has been attending for the past weeks. I understand that separation anxiety is a common phase for all toddlers but it was hard for me to accept the process I/she has to go through every morning. (Note: My dad and I pick her up every morning at 8am to send her off to school)
I think it has to be a fair balance between providing the opportunity to venture off on one’s own and letting the child to feel safe enough to do it. The way to ease the child’s anxiety is not to just leave him/her behind, crying and turning your back on him/her. If you deny the sense of security as a foundation, the child (already filled with anxiety), will flounder. Leaving the toddler alone in the room with a group of strangers thinking he/she will get used to it and it’ll allow her to grow up and be more independent – it does not work that way. I’m not saying that you should carry on “babying” the toddler and sticking by his/her side forever, but just long enough to let him/her understand that it is ok to play with their peers and it is a safe environment to be at.
What I believe is that you come and go on a happy note, no matter how Giselle might cling onto me with her tear-filled eyes etc, I do not just leave her with the teacher thinking that she’ll deal with it. I think it works better with either a transitional object like a storybook or a toy to distract her focus or at least let it be a happy goodbye and ensuring her it is just for awhile and that you’ll be back for her. Don’t just dump her there and walk away from her cries without a word. Though one thing about such promises is that – you have to make sure you will be back, on time. Kids do know and remember it when you betrayed their trust. I’m sharing my opinions because it affects me alil to see my niece crying every morning when pre-school was enjoyable for me and how other kids at the school are also experiencing the same thing. (Maybe it says something about the school, hur) Basically, going to school at their age should be a fun experience instead of something that they dread waking up to.
As much as I would love to whine and say how much I dislike Giselle for being in my life or how she has “ruin” my life in a way, I think I’m still thankful to have a niece like her because not many of us get to experience a special bond like ours. I just hope that she’ll grow up as a good girl (like her yiyi, haha) , respect and take care of her parents in the future.
Ultimately, it’s a matter of perspective and tackling your attitude when it comes to these matters in life. Parenting is not as easy as just words of advice or going through parenting blogs, it takes more than that to be a good parent. So think twice before you decide to bring another innocent life to this harsh reality. (lol)
Disclaimer : I’m not saying that my sister does not make a good parent because I know that she is trying her best but sometimes you just can’t have things as you wish it’ll be. So before you question about “where on earth is Giselle’s parents” or “What the hell have they been doing”, I think my sister deserves the credits as a good mother in my opinion (although she can work harder, haha)
